The Civil Ceremony
For days our two households have been painting, decorating, and cooking up such a Mexican American feast that would follow the boda civil. For my American readers, well, I've lived in Mexico for so long that I'm not sure I can explain why there are two weddings. In the United States when you get married the preacher man who marries you is the legal representative of the government and the ceremony he guides you through is all that is necessary for you to be legally married. It's usually stated in the last line of the ceremony which no one hears because everyone is waiting for him to say those exciting words. But on the way to saying the words everyone wants to hear he says, "and now, by the powers vested in me..." Those powers he speaks of are the power of governement recognition of the marriage he has just performed.
But, in Mexico, back when the government took away the powers of the only existing church at the time, separation of church and state took on a whole new meaning and would be unrecognizable north of the border. In Mexico, all churches are considered "propriedad del gobierno" (Property of the State) and when we first arrived to Mexico all church buildings had to have a plaque with that title engraved on it and displayed over the front door of the church (it has to do with the power and property that the church held at one time which was so considerable that it consequently had most of the power in the country). Up until about 12 years ago, no religious garb could be worn out in public. Some of the rules and regulations have changed, but not the one about religious ceremonies being recognized by the state. The only legal way to marry in Mexico is to be married by a judge in a very short civil ceremony in a government office.
With that explanation out of the way, the Gonzalez and Waguespack family happily met (those who could attend a civil ceremony at 12:30 on a Monday). It was all hustle and bustle and excitement and then waiting in the large lobby of the registrar's office for our turn with the judge.
Shadai's abuelo (grandfather) had arrived by bus from Boca del Rio, Veracruz, the night before. Elisabet's sisters, Josue's brother and sister, cousins, and friends; we all waited for their names to be called.
It was fun, exciting and they teased me about remembering to breathe.
Then they called them to sign all the legal papers. I went in with them to take pictures and have a little remembering/comparing time in my own brain since this was the very same way that we had registered Sam as an infant twenty-three years earlier.
Then, as yesterday, they had to put their stamped fingerprints on the documents. But this time they signed for themselves instead of their parents and witnesses signing for them. Below is one of my favorites of these photos because you can see her parents, Josue and Elisabet, looking on. They love their daughters and their new sons-in-law.
A little more waiting and we were called into the office of the licenciada, the lady judge. We were a big group and as we walked in, almost single file, a young cousin began singing the wedding march. He provided the processional "music" as we all crowded into the large room provided for such occasions. The whole ceremony was performed to his high little da da dadaing background music. It was so dear, so family. I wish we had had a video camera to record his sweet, unrehearsed music which lasted until we had all filed out again into the lobby for photos.
Then it was on to our house nearby for a feast with family and friends. Elisabet outdid herself with every topping known to Mexican man for tostadas and all the toppings for the main ingredients. We had two tostada stations going and tables in the garden, sodas and ponche to drink.
What is Ponche?
It's good: water, cinnamon sticks, tejocotes, prunes, guayabas, stalks of sugar cane, and sugar (I'm sure I left something out), simmered to a sweet hot soothing drink.
Everyone ate and drank to their heart's content and then we let it settle while we went next door to borrow the neighbor's large coffee urn (loaned by the neighbor who was eating tostadas at the table). That was when I went outside to ask if they wanted the cake brought out. I found them all sitting in a loose circle calling out what sounded like Mexican dishes. I thought, "Oh! A game of some sort. I don't know this one." So I asked, "What are you doing?" To which Shadai's mom repeated my question aloud to the group and then to Sam, "Tu mama quiere saber que hacen." (Your mom wants to know what we're doing.)
Making a List and Checking it Muchas Veces
Everyone seemed to enjoy this tremendously and they all started talking at once. When the dust cleared Sam said, "They're making a list of all the food they're going to make for the reception for the wedding."
Oh, I forgot to mention that. In Christian circles a couple is not married until they are married in the church. Normally one gets the civil ceremony "out of the way" just before they get married in the church. But Sam and Shadai saw the trouble her sister had in getting a visa to be able to visit family in the States, so they decided they would do the civil ceremony in December and be married for six months, legally speaking by the time they do the "real" wedding, June 14.
Thus, the aunts were making Shadai's list for her for her wedding reception, even down to such things as "you'll need napkins and napkin holders, etc., etc." I loved it! They not only made a list as they shouted out things like "Tia ___ makes great nopales or longaniza or picadillo or tinga...", they even decided on the set-up of where the food would be placed and how many food tables to set up and where. They kept it up so long until the neighbor shouted out that she would bring something and I think she became an honorary Gonzalez. Our maid, Emilia, is bringing the Mexican rice (yum). I'm sure I'm signed up for brownies and cookies because I was told a number of times later that I had "won their hearts" for the desserts I had prepared for the group.
Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you about that, too. It is a Gonzalez family tradition that the family, not some strangers that cater for a living, prepares the food for the weddings of all Gonzalez offspring. It took me by surprise when Ricky told me that's how things are done in this family (our honorary son who married Shadai's sister in October). But their wedding was so much fun that it now feels like coming home to be preparing
to have a pot luck reception. (It will certainly be better than what our guests got at our wedding since I came from a tradition of nothing but wedding cake and homemade cookies, candied orange peel and the guests ate their own lunch at home.)
So that was our big fat Mexican Civil Ceremony. We're part of the family now having "conquered" them with our nervousness, our tears, our paparazzi habits, not to mention brownies made from a box (several boxes) and tea cakes made from a recipe of my mother's neighbor back home in Alabama.
Welcome to the family.
Wow.
Posted by: Keith | 12/11/2007 at 07:31 PM
[esto es genial] well my dear mrs donna he did it! wow time flies by quickly! i cant believe sam is acutally married, i feel..... old....??? oh well i just want to say congradulations to you and mr wag!!! and tell the new Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Waguespack que MUCHAS FELICIDADES!!!!! i could not be more happier for them and i will keep them in my prayers that GOD may bless them for their many years to come! Take care and God bless
DEBS
Posted by: Deborah | 12/13/2007 at 09:12 AM
Thanks, sweetie. It means a lot coming from such an old friend...well, not old...well, you know what I mean. Hope all is well and you're not freezing in Boston!
Posted by: DonnaDear | 12/13/2007 at 01:25 PM